As a social service worker — and as someone living with Autism, ADHD, and CPTSD — I’ve spent years helping people rebuild their sense of self after coercive control. I’ve also done many of these exercises myself. If they helped me, with my neurodivergent brain and trauma history, I know they can help others too.

These tools come from well-established therapeutic approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and trauma-informed recovery work. They are not a replacement for therapy, and they are not meant to diagnose or treat anything.

They are practical, grounding, empowering, and educational exercises you can safely explore at home. If you try them, bring them to your therapist — they’ll be glad you’re building skills between sessions.

Healing from coercive control is not about “getting over it.” It’s about slowly reclaiming the parts of yourself that were silenced, minimized, or overwritten by someone else’s agenda. These 10 exercises are designed to help you do exactly that.

The Circle of Control (ACT)

This exercise comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which teaches that suffering increases when we try to control things that are outside our influence. Coercive control destroys a person’s sense of agency, so this tool helps survivors visually separate what belongs to them and what doesn’t. It reduces overwhelm, anxiety, and rumination by redirecting energy toward what strengthens you.

How to Do It:

  • Draw a small circle inside a larger circle (or two separate circles, if that is better for you).
  • In the inner circle, list things that you can influence (your choices, boundaries, routines).
  • In the outer circle, list things that you cannot control (other people’s reactions, the past, the abuser’s beliefs).
  • Focus your energy on the inner circle throughout the week.

You’ll know this exercise is helping when you start feeling less overwhelmed by things outside your control. You may notice your anxiety softening, your thoughts becoming more organized, or your energy shifting toward things you can actually influence. Over time, you’ll catch yourself redirecting your focus automatically — a sign that your sense of agency is returning.

Cognitive Reframing (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches that thoughts influence emotions and behavior. Coercive control installs distorted beliefs (“Your worthless,” “You can’t survive without me”). Reframing helps challenge these internalized messages and replace them with balanced, self-generated thoughts. This reduces shame, fear, and self-doubt.

How to Do It:

  • Write down a distressing thought.
  • Ask: “Is this a fact, or something I was taught to believe?”
  • Identity evidence for and against the thought.
  • Replace it with a more balanced statement.

You’ll know reframing is helping when the harsh, internalized “cult voice” or “abuser voice” starts losing power. You may notice you’re questioning old beliefs instead of accepting them as truth. Your self-talk becomes more balanced, and emotional reactions feel less intense. The biggest sign: you start believing yourself more than you believe the old programming.

Thought-Feeling-Behavior Tracking (CBT)

This CBT tool helps survivors understand how trauma shaped their automatic reactions. By tracking the chain between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, you can identify patterns that were conditioned by coercive control. Awareness is the first step toward breaking old cycles.

How to Do It:

  • Write down the situation.
  • Write the thought it triggered.
  • Write the emotion that followed.
  • Write the behavior that resulted.
  • Look for patterns over time.

You’ll know this tool is helping when patterns become easier to spot. You may start predicting your own reactions, catching triggers earlier, or feeling more in control of your emotional chain. Over time, you’ll notice that the space between thought and behavior gets wider — giving you room to choose instead of react.

Opposite Action (DBT)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy teaches that when an emotion doesn’t fit the facts, doing the opposite can retrain your nervous system. Coercive control conditions people to respond with fear, compliance, or silence. Opposite Action helps disrupts those patterns and build new emotional pathways.

How to Do It:

  • Identify the emotion you’re feeling.
  • Ask if it fits the current situation.
  • If not, choose the opposite healthy action.
  • Example: fear says “hide” → opposite action: speak up in a safe context.

You’ll know Opposite Action is helping when fear stops dictating your choices. You may notice small moments of courage, like speaking up, setting a boundary, or doing something you used to avoid. The emotional intensity around certain situations will start to decrease, and your nervous system will feel less “hijacked” by old trauma responses.

Values Clarification (ACT)

ACT teaches that values — not fear — should guide behavior. Coercive control replaces your values with the abuser’s. This exercise helps you rediscover your own identity, purpose, and direction. It’s especially helpful for survivors who feel lost or disconnected.

How to Do It:

  • Write down 10 values that matter to you.
  • Circle the top 3.
  • For each one, write one small action you can take this week that aligns with it.
  • Notice how it feels to live by your compass again.

You’ll know this exercise is helping when your life starts feeling more like yours. Decisions become easier, motivation increases, and you feel more grounded in who you are. You may also notice less guilt or confusion around choices, because they’re aligned with your values instead of someone else’s demands.

Behavioral Activation (CBT)

Trauma often leads to shutdown, numbness, or paralysis. Behavioral activation uses small, meaningful actions to restart motivation pathways in the brain. It’s a gentle way to rebuild momentum without pressure or overwhelm.

How to Do It:

  • Choose one small activity each day that brings meaning or accomplishment.
  • Examples: take a walk, clean one corner of a room, call a supportive friend.
  • Keep the tasks small and achievable.
  • Celebrate each completion.

You’ll know this is helping when small tasks feel less impossible. You may notice more energy, more follow-through, or a sense of accomplishment returning. Over time, your brain starts rewarding you for action instead of shutting down — a sign that your motivation pathways are waking back up.

Grounding Through the Senses (Trauma-Informed)

Trauma pulls you into the past. Grounding brings your nervous system back into the present. This sensory-based exercise is widely used in trauma stabilization because it reduces overwhelm, panic, and dissociation.

How to Do It:

  • Name 5 things you can see.
  • Name 4 things you can touch.
  • Name 3 things you can hear.
  • Name 2 things you can smell.
  • Name 1 thing you can taste.
  • Repeat until your body feels calmer.

You’ll know grounding is helping when you can bring yourself back from overwhelm more quickly. Flashbacks may feel shorter, panic may feel less intense, and your body may settle faster. You’ll start trusting your ability to regulate yourself — a huge milestone in trauma recovery.

The “Parts of Me” Exercise (Internal Narrative Work)

Inspired by Internal Family Systems principles, this exercise helps survivors understand and comfort the different “parts” of themselves. Trauma fragments identity; this tool helps you reconnect with your internal world with compassion instead of shame.

How to Do It:

  • Write about the part of you that’s scared.
  • Write about the part of you that’s strong.
  • Write about the part of you that wants healing.
  • Let each part speak without judgement.

You’ll know this exercise is helping when your inner world feels less chaotic or shame-filled. You may notice more compassion toward yourself, fewer internal battles, and a clearer sense of what each “part” needs. Over time, you’ll feel more whole and less fragmented which is a sign of deep healing.

Boundary Mapping (Trauma-Informed CBT)

Coercive control destroys boundaries by punishing autonomy. Boundary mapping helps survivors relearn what safety, comfort, and consent feel like. It rebuilds self-trust and helps you understand your limits.

How to Do It:

  • Create three columns:
    1. What I’m okay with
    2. What I’m unsure about
    3. What I’m not okay with
  • Fill them in slowly over time.
  • Revisit and adjust as you grow.

You’ll know this tool is helping when you start recognizing discomfort earlier and honoring it more consistently. You may notice yourself saying “no” more often, hesitating less, or feeling more confident in your limits. The biggest sign: you stop apologizing for having boundaries at all.

The Self-Compassion Break (Mindfulness-Based)

Mindfulness-based therapies teach that self-compassion reduces shame and emotional pain. Coercive control teaches people to be harsh with themselves; this exercise interrupts that pattern and helps rebuild a kinder internal voice.

How to Do It:

  • Say: “This is a moment of struggle.”
  • Say: “Struggle is part of being human.”
  • Say: “I deserve kindness right now.”
  • Repeat until your body softens.

You’ll know this exercise is helping when your inner critic becomes quieter and your self-talk becomes gentler. You may notice less shame, less self-blame, and more emotional resilience. Over time, you’ll start treating yourself the way you would treat someone you cared about — a powerful reversal of coercive control conditioning.

Healing After Coercive Control

Healing from coercive control is not something that happens all at once. It happens in small, steady moments where you choose yourself again — moments where you challenge an old belief, set a boundary, ground your body, or reconnect with a part of yourself that was pushed down. Every exercise in this article is designed to support that process. They come from evidence-informed therapeutic models because survivors deserve tools that are grounded in real psychology, not platitudes or pressure.

These practices matter because coercive control doesn’t just take away your freedom — it takes away your sense of self. It rewires your nervous system, reshapes your thoughts, and teaches you to doubt your own instincts. Exercises like these help you slowly undo that conditioning. They help you rebuild agency, identity, emotional regulation, and internal trust. They help you remember that you are a whole person, not a collection of trauma responses.

And you don’t have to be perfect at any of this. You don’t have to “get it right.” Healing is not a performance — it’s a process. If you try these exercises and they help even a little bit, that’s progress. If they feel awkward at first, that’s normal. If they bring up emotions, that’s part of the work. And if you bring them to your therapist, you’re giving yourself the gift of support, collaboration, and safety — something every survivor deserves.

I’m wishing you strength, clarity, and gentleness as you move forward. If you ever need help understanding these exercises, adapting them, or figuring out where to start, you’re welcome to reach out. You’re not alone in this, and you never have to navigate healing in isolation. You deserve support, you deserve safety, and you deserve to reclaim every part of yourself that coercive control tried to take.

By Beth Gibbons (Queen of Karma)

Beth Gibbons, known publicly as Queen of Karma, is a whistleblower and anti-MLM advocate who shares her personal experiences of being manipulated and financially harmed by multi-level marketing schemes. She writes and speaks candidly about the emotional and psychological toll these so-called “business opportunities” take on vulnerable individuals, especially women. Beth positions herself as a survivor-turned-activist, exposing MLMs as commercial cults and highlighting the cult-like tactics used to recruit, control, and silence members.

She has contributed blogs and participated in video interviews under the name Queen of Karma, often blending personal storytelling with direct confrontation of scammy business models. Her work aligns closely with scam awareness efforts, and she’s part of a growing community of voices pushing back against MLM exploitation, gaslighting, and financial abuse.